Sex and the Telephone: Aural Sex

Because sex is a form of communication, it’s only natural for the telephone to play a part in our sexual activity. The anonymity of communicating by phone quickly made it the ideal way of asking someone out for a date. On the phone, the physical reaction of both parties remains secret, which makes the process a little easier on everyone.

That anonymity also encourages many people to flirt over the phone (as they do over computer lines). In most cases, that flirtation never goes any further, especially because a great distance may separate the two people. And, although some people may “give great phone,” you may be sorely disappointed in them if you see them in the flesh.


These forms of sexual contact are basically innocent, but Alexander Graham Bell would probably have buried his invention if he’d foreseen some of the other ways that people have transformed his telephone into a sex toy.


Obscene phone calls have long been a problem, although innovations such as Caller ID may soon make them a thing of the past. Some of these calls are merely pranks pulled by rambunctious teens looking more to shock than to actually excite anybody, least of all themselves. However, some people do become addicted to making obscene phone calls. A college president lost his job because of his habit of making such calls.


Pay to play — 900 or 976 numbers
Recently, people have used the phone lines more and more for conversations that have, as a goal, one or both parties reaching an orgasm. Some peoplehave always “talked dirty” to each other while masturbating. I even recommend such behavior to couples who are separated by long distances and want to keep their sexual relationship going while living apart. But what made the use of such behavior explode in popularity was the commercialism that came after the breakup of the Bell telephone system and the deregulation of the industry.


Nowadays, you can find hundreds of phone numbers that are exclusively used for sex (most are 900 numbers or have 976 exchanges). A person cancall and speak to someone who will fulfill whatever phone fantasy he or she may have — talking about sex to a woman or a man, ordering a submissive slave on the other end to obey one’s every command, or being dominated by a cruel master — all accompanied by the masturbation of the callers, who can make the fantasy last and pay the additional costs, or hang up as soon as they find the relief that they were seeking.


Because we are in need of safer sexual outlets, I suppose that these phone sex companies fill a need, but they also bring some drawbacks that disturb me:


I don’t believe that children are adequately protected. In theory, you have to be 21 or older to call, but do they really check? Even if callers are supposed to use a credit card number, what if a child, even a teenage child, uses a parent’s number?


Another drawback is the cost. Some people have gotten addicted to phone sex and ended up with astronomical bills. I have to admit that, if these people are adults, they make these calls of their own free will, but it still bothers me.



I just called to say . . .
Does phone sex belong in a relationship between two people? If they’re in a long-distance relationship, sure. But if they live nearby and they regularly have telephone sex as a means of safer sex, I’m just not sure. How realistic is it that two people who go out and date will continue to have sex only when they have a telephone line between them? Eventually, they will want to get together, so they had better be prepared for that moment and not rely on phone sex to keep them safe. However, I can’t really criticize any couple who does have phone sex because, in this day and age of AIDS, no measure that you take to remain healthy can be regarded as extreme.


The phone can be a helpful tool to spice up your sex life, even if you’re married. When you talk on the phone, you’re speaking right into the other person’s ear. Whispering “sweet nothings” — or “hot somethings” — into the phone, so only your lover and you can hear them, can let you get up closeand personal at any time of the day or night. You can use these moments as part of your overall strategy for foreplay. And, if the circumstances are right, once in a while you can even have real phone sex, with one or both of you masturbating, just to throw in some variety.


Cell phones: Sex on the go
Cell phones have been a boon to people who work and want to stay in touch with a loved one. If your workplace doesn’t allow personal phone calls, or if you have something to say that you don’t want the people in the adjoining cubicle to overhear, then all you have to do is grab your cell phone and go for a walk. VoilĂ ! Instant privacy. All I ask is that you please don’t talk in your car while holding a cell phone. Not only is it illegal in many places, but it’s downright dangerous. If you must talk, use an earpiece, but even then, try to limit the amount of time you spend so you can concentrate on driving.


And when cell phones that could display pictures came along, so did the purveyors of pornography. I have to admit that I don’t quite understand what guys get out of seeing tiny little pictures of naked women. Can’t they wait until they get to a computer monitor?


Finally, some cell phones are also cameras. Some people can’t resist showing off parts of their naked body and then sending the picture to all their friends via cell phone. This is mostly harmless play, except when someone bares his or her body while intoxicated and discovers the next day that the image has been sent to every one of his or her friends, and maybe even posted on the Net. The idea isn’t so playful when you’re sober.

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Sex and Television: A Different Meaning

Television always had the potential to bring sex directly into people’s homes, but in the early days, even married TV couples such as the Petries on The Dick Van Dyke Show had to sleep in separate beds. Broadcast television in America stayed fairly tame for many years because, like radio, it was available to everyone, children as well as adults.

Nudity appeared on European TV long before it did on the American tube, and the furor over Janet Jackson’s naked breast during the Super Bowl halftime show in 2004 has actually made it less likely that you’ll be seeing nudity on broad- cast TV any time soon. But TV soon branched out way beyond network television, which is where sex has played a big role.


Cable took television off the public airwaves and out from under the scrutiny of the government. R-rated movies quickly made their appearance, and certain public access shows, especially in big cities, took advantage of the new freedom and began to air both raunchy talk and naked bodies. But the producers of even these shows were always a little worried that they may go too far; as a result, while the shock value was certainly there, much of the erotic content was missing. As time went on, pay cable networks branched out beyond showing just movies. HBO, for example, developed series with sexual themes, most notably Sex and The City, which received much publicity. And The Playboy Channel is, as you would expect, devoted to soft porn and has lots of people who pay money to take a peek. You can now see truly eroticmovies on pay cable, but those are still tame compared to the type of materials available on video, DVD, or the Web.


Renting films to view alone or together
Although I would object to some X- or NC-17-rated movies in America because of their violent content, in general, I’m in favor of people renting erotic films. For the single person, erotic films provide an outlet for masturbation that, considering the dangers posed by going to a prostitute or having a string of one-night stands, almost makes the availability of these films a public service. And, for couples, viewing such films can provide some added spice and maybe even the knowledge of some new positions or techniques. European films are much more sophisticated in this respect, providing truly artistic treatment of sexual subjects.


Starring in your own sex flick
On the heels of the videocassette player came the camcorder, which now enables couples to star in their own versions of Deep Throat. Again, if filming your sexual escapades adds a boost to your sex life, then I’m all for it. But I must advise certain precautions:


Don’t pressure your lover into doing something that he or she doesn’t want to. If one partner wants to film lovemaking, and the other objects, that’s the end of it — no filming.


If you want to keep the recordings, remember that you always have a risk that they’ll fall into the wrong hands. My advice is to watch them a few times and then erase them.


Now I know that some people actually take recordings of themselves and post them on the Internet at various sites. My opinion of that? It’s downright stupid. It’s almost guaranteed that somebody will see them who shouldn’t, such as your kids, your parents, your boss, or your biggest customer. And it may not happen this year or next year, but five years down the road, and then the consequences may be even worse. You may no longer be with the person in the film, and your new partner may not be so open-minded.


If you really want the extra thrill that comes from knowing that other people are watching you have sex, then tape your lovemaking while fantasizing that the camera is connected to NBC and is broadcasting to millions of homes, or take digital pictures and imagine what they’d look like inside the pages of a magazine. But don’t ever actually let such material leave the confines of your house. And I would also urge you to delete or destroy them after a short timeto ensure that they never fall into the wrong hands.


Pulp Nonfiction
I suppose I would be unfair to my friends Hugh Hefner and Christie Hefner (Hugh’s daughter and president of Playboy) if I failed to mention the granddaddy medium of porn — print. Despite all the competition from computers and videos, Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, and similar magazines still sell mil- lions of copies every month. The magazines remain popular for several reasons, including their portability and the articles and jokes, which offer an excuse to buy such publications. I actually like reading Playboy from time to time because of the articles, so that’s a legitimate excuse.


Although magazines that show pictures of naked men, such as Playgirl, have failed to attract a large audience of women (the ones aimed at homosexuals, of course, are another story), the romance novel is an industry unto itself. These novels fall into several categories, some of which have very little actual sex and others that let off a little cloud of steam every time you turn a page. They all follow a formula, which is why many people turn their noses up at this literary genre, but the formula is the same as what you find in a men’s magazine, and no one who buys these novels is looking for great literature anyway. I would like for both sexes to stop criticizing the other’s erotica, but I suppose as long as a battle of the sexes exists, this front won’t enjoy any peace either.


I am somewhat upset at the explicit novels aimed at black audiences, not because of their erotic content, but because they’ve become so dominant. Erotica is supposed to be enjoyed from time to time, not as the only topic of your reading list.

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