Oral sex performed on a woman is called cunnilingus, though not by many people cause the average person prefers terms that are easier to pronounce. Like fellatio, oral sex can be done as part of foreplay, or it can be done to bring a woman to climax. If you use oral sex as foreplay, both partners must be in synch with regards to where the woman is on the orgasmic scale. The woman has to let her partner know when she is very close to having an orgasm. When she gives him the signal, he should stop oral sex and begin intercourse.As I’ve said, women require direct stimulation to their clitoris to have an orgasm, and the tongue and lips offer an excellent means of doing just that, better than fingers, which can be rough. In fact, some women can only have an orgasm from oral sex. Here’s what to do:
1. Both partners should be in a comfortable position.
Many women are most comfortable lying on their backs with their partner kneeling or lying in between their legs so he can easily put his head between her thighs.
2. The partner giving oral sex should begin by rubbing the woman’s legs, thighs, and vulva with his or her hands.
These caresses tell your partner’s body that some really amazing stuff is about to happen, so she should begin getting aroused. As a result of her excitement, she should start producing lubricant, which helps prevent irritation to the delicate clitoris and vagina. But your saliva is also a lubricant.
3. Spread the lips of the vulva and find the clitoris. Gently begin licking.
The tongue can be used in many different ways, from short rapid thrusts to long, slow licks. The tongue can be thrust into the vagina as well as used all around its edge.
Although the human tongue is nowhere as rough as a cat’s, after a few minutes of performing oral sex, your tongue may become dry and will seem much rougher to the very sensitive clitoris. When performing oral sex, make sure that your tongue is well coated with saliva.
Between the saliva and a woman’s natural lubrication, which should be flowing if she’s very aroused, quite a puddle can form under her after a long session of oral sex. Rather than worry about it, I suggest placing a towel underneath her.
4. Try sucking the area around the clitoris or some light nibbling (but teeth shouldn’t play a large role in performing oral sex on a woman).A sudden puff of air may be pleasurable, too.
The seat of a woman’s orgasm is her clitoris, but the clitoris can sometimes become overstimulated so that a woman won’t want it to be touched directly. You need to be mindful of that if she complains, and either lessen the strength of the stimulation or stop any direct simulation altogether.
5. Ask her what she likes.
Perhaps even more so than with men, communication is the key to doing,a good job at oral sex on a woman. A woman’s ability to orgasm is more delicate than a man’s, and she may require very specific types of stimulation in order to have an orgasm. So you have to pay careful attention to her directions, which may be verbalized, with commands such as “harder” or “softer,” or done by moving your head to a certain part of her anatomy.
6. Take a short break if your mouth and tongue become tired.
Try using your nose as a stimulator while the other muscles get a chance to relax. Or reach up and stimulate her breasts for a little while. Many women enjoy having a finger or two inserted into their vagina during oral sex, but some may find it too distracting. The same is true with anal stimulation.
7. Adjust your stimulation as she approaches orgasm.
Some women, as they’re near orgasm, find that their clitoris becomes extra sensitive. You may assume that more stimulation should be pro- vided to her clitoris as she reaches this point, but sometimes just the opposite is true, and only the area around the clitoris should be licked. Make sure that you don’t get so lost in the heat of the moment that you stop communicating.
You may have heard rumors about the danger of blowing into the vagina during oral sex. This danger only comes into play if the woman is very pregnant. When everything is distended down there, it becomes technically possible to blow an air bubble through the wall of a vein or artery that has been stretched superthin, which could be deadly. I don’t know whether this has ever happened, but some doctors warn pregnant women about this, and so I’m passing it on, mostly so that all of you performing oral sex on nonpregnant women don’t have to worry about it.
A man will usually have an erection when he begins giving oral sex to a woman, but if the process stretches out a bit, there’s a good chance that he will lose his erection. That’s only natural because he’s concentrating on her pleasure, not his. Some men, who worry that an lost erection won’t return, may want to engage in intercourse the moment they feel their penis start to soften. But if the man hasn’t ejaculated, in most cases with a few tender ministrations from his partner later on, his erection should come back, so men don’t need to react to a shrinking penis.
Dealing with Some Delicate Details
If even after reading everything in this article, you’re still hesitant about trying oral sex, I can guess why. I address some common concerns in the following sections.
Tidying up down there
More people might engage in oral sex if the organs involved weren’t also the organs from which people urinate. Some people don’t give that fact a second thought and dive right in, so to speak, while others think about this dual role and that gives them the heebie-jeebies, even though urine is actually more germ free than saliva.
My advice to people who worry about cleanliness is to begin oral sex in the bathroom. Oral sex doesn’t have to begin there, but a thorough cleaning ofthe genitals should take place. I’ve found, in advising patients, that many who object to oral sex discover that their objection goes down the drain after they’ve thoroughly washed the potentially offending sex organ. The above advice may be particularly important when the man hasn’t been circumcised. A buildup under the foreskin, called smegma, can develop, which definitely isn’t sexy. All uncircumcised men need to be careful when cleaning their penis to make sure that they do a good job under the foreskin, but this attention to cleanliness is especially important to any man expecting his partner to give him oral sex. (Women should also clean under their clitoral hood because a smegma-like substance can also collect there.)
Whether it’s because women are having more oral sex or because women are just wearing smaller and smaller bikinis, it’s become more common for women to shave or wax their pubic hair. Most men who perform oral sex on their partner probably appreciate this.
Of course, men with beards or mustaches may cause the sensitive area around a woman’s genitals to become chafed while performing oral sex. Any man with facial hair, or even just stubble, should be careful not to hurt his partner.
To swallow or not to swallow
Some women are concerned about getting the ejaculate in their mouth. Now, a few drops of Cowper’s fluid will be secreted at the head of the erect male penis, but most women worry about the actual quantity of ejaculate that is propelled from the penis upon orgasm. Nothing in a man’s ejaculate is harmful (assuming that he is disease free), and to anyone who complains about the calories, I say “Enough!” But you don’t need an excuse to want to avoid this.
If you really want to avoid coming in contact with ejaculate, try the following:
Ask your partner to let you know when he is close to having his orgasm. This is the best way to avoid the ejaculate. When he lets you know his orgasm is imminent, you can move your mouth out of range while continuing to help him climax with your hands and fingers.
Watch for the signs of impending orgasm. A man’s erection strengthens when he is near orgasm and his scrotum will tighten up, pushing his testicles up against his body. When you notice this, duck out of the way. Keep a towel or tissue close by. If your partner does ejaculate into your mouth, you can easily spit it out without swallowing it.
Many people ask me whether they can do anything to change the taste of their or their partner’s semen. Although anecdotal evidence indicates that what you eat plays a part in what your ejaculate tastes like, I haven’t seen any scientific research that proves that. On the other hand, nothing is stopping you from doing your own research. Not only might it be educational, but it could also be a lot of fun. If a partner really objects to the taste but wants to proceed, I suggest having a breath mint handy so she can quickly change the taste in her mouth.
The porn industry has introduced a new facet to oral sex: the facial, where the man ejaculates onto his partner’s face. In my opinion, this is humiliating and not sexy. Each individual must set his or her limits, but I wouldn’t want the average person contemplating oral sex to think that a facial is a necessary part of the act.
But I’m having my period
Most men avoid performing oral sex on a woman who is menstruating, but the fact is that nothing dangerous is present in menstrual blood (unless she has an STD). If you and your partner want to engage in oral sex at that time of the month, you have no reason not to go ahead (pun intended!).
Avoiding lockjaw, lip languor, tongue tiredness
Oral sex may be becoming part of the norm, but it’s still not entirely a “normal” activity because the mouth must engage in vigorous movements for a length of time that it’s not often called on to do. In other words, oral sex can be tiring.
Most men don’t require extended oral sex, though some do, especially as they get older. But some women require extended stimulation in order to have an orgasm. Although they can’t do anything about that, women must not lose focus of their partner’s well-being. Their partner will need a break after a while because lengthy tongue and lip action can become uncomfortable, if not painful. I understand that a woman who is close to having an orgasm won’t want to stop receiving stimulation, so she may want to give her partner a break before she reaches that point. The couple should talk about her needs and how to best arrive at the destination they both seek.
Simplifying sexual slang
Because I’m always telling you not to be boring, I thought I’d help you out by including some other phrases you can use when talking about the activities described in this article.
Cunnilingus: canyon yodeling, carpet munching, dining at the Y, eating hair pie, egg McMuff, going down, going way down south in Dixie, making mouth music, muff diving, scarfing down, sipping at the fuzzy cup, sitting on one’s face.
Fellatio: blowing, deep throating, frenching, getting a facial, giving head, giving lip service, hoovering, putting lipstick on one’s dipstick, señoreata, soiling one’s knees, sucking off, talking into the mike, worshipping at the altar.
