Oral sex is exactly that — using your mouth, including your lips, tongue, and teeth, to give your partner sexual satisfaction.Not too long ago, many people considered oral sex a perversion, while today more and more people are engaging in oral sex. Many young people even consider it an intermediary step to sex, rather than the real thing.
Oral sex performed on a man is called fellatio. (It doesn’t matter whether a man or woman is performing this act on the man.) This licking and sucking of a man’s penis can be used as a precursor to intercourse (to arouse a man so he gets an erection), or it can continue until he has an orgasm.
Though a common word for an erection is a hard-on, and certainly an erect penis is harder than a flaccid one, you must remember that a penis is not actually hard, but is made of flesh and blood, and so it can be damaged. If a penis is handled too roughly, the man could develop what is called Peyronie’s disease, which means that a kink may develop, or even several kinks. So anyone performing fellatio has a duty to be relatively gentle.
Not sure what to do? Try this basic approach and improvise as needed (I suggest a few fun techniques to try along the way):
1. Both partners should be in comfortable positions.
You may have seen pictures of a woman on her knees while the man stands above her, and this position has its advantages, as I explain below. But if a woman is uncomfortable in this position and this is a way of the man proving his domination, then that’s not a good idea. However if she’s kneeling on a pillow, this position can work comfortably for both partners.
2. The partner giving oral sex starts by gently fondling the man’s penis with his or her hands.
Some men will have an erection just from the expectation of receiving oral sex, while others, particularly older men, use oral sex as a means of obtaining an erection. In the latter cases, oral sex may be thought of as foreplay to intercourse.
3. After the man starts to get an erection, lick the penis or place it in your mouth.
While the tongue is certainly an important part of the process, you can lightly nibble the penis with your teeth, give light kisses with your lips, or suck the penis with your mouth. But please, no biting.
The movie Deep Throat put pressure on partners to swallow the man’s entire penis while not gagging. Of course in the movie, the penis was particularly large, but real life is not the movies, and no one should feel pressured into trying to copy what they see on-screen. Because the most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head of the penis, deep throating his penis isn’t going to give him much more pleasure and is really more an act of humiliation than anything else. I’m not saying that couples shouldn’t do this if both partners are willing to try, but one’s abilities to perform fellatio don’t depend on being able to perform circus tricks.
4. Stimulate the underside of the head of the penis, the place where he has the most sensitivity.
If you’re facing the man, as you are when on your knees while he is standing, then your tongue will be in the right place to do this. If you’re upside down, such as in the 69 position, you may want to use your fingers to add arousal to that area.
5. Continue using your hands to touch the penis, stroke the shaft, and gently fondle the testicles.
Don’t be reserved about exploring beyond the head of the penis while performing oral sex. These touches are not only permitted but encouraged.
Be careful when it comes to his testicles because they are sensitive. Too much pressure causes him pain, which puts a quick end to these activities. If the man enjoys it, you can also insert a finger into his rectum.
6. If oral sex is not being used as foreplay, the man is going to ejaculate as a result of oral sex.
There’s no harm if he ejaculates in your mouth, but it’s also not necessary. If you don’t want that to happen, the man should tell you that he is about to ejaculate and you can use your hands to help him reach his climax.
Communication is key to doing a good job, as it is with any sexual position. You can’t guess what feels best to your partner. You have to ask him, and he has to be able to articulate his needs.
If you’re not ready to perform oral sex on your partner yet, but you think it’s something that you want to try, you can simulate the real thing by practicing on an ice cream cone. By licking the ice cream sensuously you’ll develop a good understanding of what you should do when the flavor goes from vanilla to male appendage.
