Men are definitely stimulated by visual images, which is why 99 percent of the magazines that show naked people are aimed at men. Although women certainly appreciate a good-looking guy, seeing a close-up glimpse of his genitals won’t generally serve as a turn-on. What most women prefer as erotic stimulation is fantasy.Now men fantasize also, and many men fantasize while masturbating, but the method of choice for men is still visual. Women, on the other hand, usually spend more time masturbating to reach their orgasm, so they can leisurely construct a nice, long fantasy that will get them in the right mood for an orgasm.
Stories to get you started
If fantasies interest you, and you want specific ones, I suggest you buy one of
Although I wouldn’t be upset if you became aroused while reading this book, excitement’s not my main purpose, so I leave the recounting of other people’s fantasies to
Anything and anyone goes
First of all, no fantasy is wrong. In fantasy, you don’t have to worry about safer sex, what the neighbors may say, or anything else. If you want to make love to Alexander the Great and his whole army, be my guest. If you want to fantasize about
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Sharing your fantasies
Another question people often ask me is, “Should I share my fantasies with my spouse or lover?” The word that comes to mind here is caution. Some partners don’t mind hearing their lovers’ fantasies; some even get aroused by them, but some get very jealous. If you feel the need to talk about your fantasies with your partner, do it very carefully. Here are some tips:
Make the first one very tame. Maybe your favorite fantasy is being a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader caught naked in the locker room with the whole team. That’s fine, but tell your partner that your fantasy is him finding you naked in your office after hours. If he reacts positively, then you can work your way up to telling him your real fantasies down the road.
Use common sense. If your husband is built like Adam Sandler, and you tell him you’re always fantasizing about George Clooney, how do you think that information will make him feel?
Remember the Golden Rule. If you tell your partner about your fantasies, be prepared to hear his or her fantasies back. If you think that you may get jealous, then don’t open that Pandora’s box in the first place.
A fantasy is a fantasy is a fantasy . . .
I’ve run into people who were intent on making their fantasy become a reality, and most of the time that does not work. Obviously, if your fantasy is rather simple, such as being covered in whipped cream and having your partner lick it off, then having your dream come true may be possible. (And yes, the pun was intended.) On the other hand, many fantasies can either get you into trouble (the kind that have to do with making love in public places, for example), or make you very disappointed (your Adam Sandler may wreck his back carrying you over the threshold).
My last piece of advice regarding fantasies holds true for nonsexual fantasies as well as the sexual ones — remember that they’re fantasies. Some people trick themselves into believing that their fantasies are real. If your fantasy lover, for example, is a movie or TV star, that’s great. Plenty of people have fantasies about their favorite stars. But if you’re single and you go so far as to turn down dates because they’re not with that famous movie star, then you’re in big trouble. In your fantasies, you can make love to anyone; in real life, you have to find a partner who wants you. Fantasies are wonderful tools; just be careful how you use them.
