Some people may say that the phrase “sex in the golden years” is simply putting a positive spin on a mostly negative issue. Others may even say that the phrase is an oxymoron because they think that as soon as people get their first Social Security check, sex goes out the window.I must be honest with you and tell you that experiencing negative aspects of sex as you grow older is common. After all, many other physical attributes begin to grow dimmer, so why should your sexual apparatus remain perfectly fit? And, in fact, it doesn’t. But not all the aging factors that relate to sex are negative. And let me make one thing absolutely clear: You can continue having sex right up into your 90s.
This article addresses the ups and downs of sex and the aging process — menopause, soft or nonexistent erections, and more freedom to make love when the mood strikes.
Every woman goes through menopause and, although every man does go through certain changes, the results aren’t always the same. Some men merely have a decrease in their sexual prowess, which I get into in a moment, while others become impotent. Obviously, impotency is a serious problem, but it doesn’t have to spell the end of a sexual relationship.
The spirit is willing, but the penis is weak: Fewer psychogenic erections
Let me begin with the early symptoms of a man’s aging in regards to sex. A younger man can have an erection merely by thinking about something that turns him on, called a psychogenic erection. He sees an erotic photograph or thinks of the last time he and his wife made love and, voilà, his penis becomes hard and erect.
As a man grows older, a time may come when he can no longer have an erection merely by thinking about something sexy. Now, this change doesn’t happen overnight. He still has psychogenic erections for a time, but they become fewer and fewer and need more and more stimulation to take effect. Then, at some point, they stop altogether.
Does this spell the end of his sex life? Absolutely not! (Unless, of course, he doesn’t realize what has occurred.) The following sections provide options for achieving an erection and maintaining a healthy sex life for years to come.
Responding to a woman’s touch
When a man can’t achieve an erection by his thoughts alone, his partner can help by touching him. By stroking a man’s penis with her hands, a woman provides the stimulation he needs to have intercourse.
Some men know that they can still get an erection because they masturbate to relieve their sexual frustration, but they refuse to touch themselves in front of their partners to get an erection. So these men have very useful information, but refuse to share it with their partners.
I encourage you to talk to your partner about what you need. Yes, you’ll have a period of awkwardness to get through, but would you rather never have sex again? Because your penis no longer is a reliable indicator of when you want to have sex, you’ll need to develop a new set of signals that tells your partner that you’re interested in having sex. The signal can be anything from whispering a certain phrase in her ear to strutting around in a goofy pair of boxers. Just be sure your partner knows the signal, too!
The lack of an erection doesn’t mean you don’t want to make love. If you tell your partner you’re interested, and she shares that interest, your partner simply needs to stimulate your penis with her hands (or mouth) to help you get an erection.
